It's hard to describe, but I just feel stuck. And that's not because there's nothing going on…quite the contrary. Still only 18 months out from both Dad and Mom leaving this earth, and maybe that still has a lot to do with it. I miss them so much, and there's no way to prepare for having your hero's in this life being suddenly gone in the span of less than two months. I guess I was thrust into this mode after attending a memorial service for someone in our church family the other day…first one since Dad and Mom's a year ago in April.
That underlying grief and significant gap in my ‘relational fuel’ if you will, makes this season of life even more challenging, I believe. Let's see…my wife and I are trying to adjust to our kids being out on their own, and being complete ‘rookie’s' again because we've never parented young adults before. Plus, her parents are aging, too, and needing more help, and our grandson's pending 4th major open heart surgery is in September. If that were not enough, I'm trying to grow in the insurance industry by adding more lines and joining an agency and am in the thick of the steep learning curve.
When I write it down, it sort of makes sense, doesn't it? Ugh! I want to wake up with a spring in my step again, but the reality is, it takes me several hours of alone time, and intentional work with the Lord, His Word, prayer, silence, exercise and music, just to be ready to function each day. And to be completely honest, many days, the silence and the blank stare are a dominant part of that morning time.
I'm asking the the Lord to help me to simply take a step each day toward Him and trust Him to help me renew my mind and let that flow out to every other area. Talk about dependence! And you know what, that's probably how it's supposed to be…
Isaiah 40:28-31 says, “Don't you know? Haven't you heard? The LORD, the Everlasting Go, The Creator of the whole world, never gets tired or weary. His wisdom is beyond understanding. God strengthens the weary and gives vitality to those worn down by age and care. Young people will get tired; strapping young ment will stumble and fall. But those who trust in the LORD will regain their strength. They will soar on wings as eagles. They will run--never winded, never weary. They will walk--never tired, never faint.”
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not allow this world to mold you in its own image. Instead, be transformed from the inside out by renewing your mind. As a result, you will be able to discern what God wills and whateer God finds good, pleasing, and complete.”
2 Corinthians 9:9 says, “My grace is enough to cover and sustain you. My power is made perfect in weakness.”
What amazing truth from God's Word! I am being strengthened in my inner being even now as I type these words and remind myself of the truth of them and allow the Holy Spirit to do His good work in me. So simple and profound, yet because of our own flesh and living in this broken world, often so hard to take the necessary steps to simply avail ourselves of the resources God has so graciously provided for us.
I've kept somewhat of a journal/prayer journal off and on for most of my life. Not always, but through many significant seasons. I've not been journaling of late, and when I don't journal, it is typically because I'm in one of my ‘stuck’ seasons! So, this is my attempt to re-boot my journaling practice and to encourage myself and put into practice the self-disciplines that I know help grow me and strengthen me to be the man God wants me to be. If this is just for me, I'm totally fine with that. This website provides a nice place to organize my journaling. If you are reading this and it has encouraged you in any way in your walk with the Lord, I'm grateful and consider it a blessed bonus!
Who knows, maybe this will morph into other things in time, but for now, I simply needed this kick-start for me!
To the journey,
D